Admit it. You love fried chicken. Your daddy loves fried chicken. Even your ah ma loves fried chicken.
I think Colonel Sanders proved that..
Fried chicken is universal. Embrace it and shut up.
Wait, there's no chicken ass?
I remember blogging about fried chicken last time. That was the first time I ever tried and fell in love with the fried chicken there. That was before I became officially fat. It is appropriate to phrase that the discovery of fried chicken changed my life. Physically.
The average amount of fried chicken eaten on every visit.
Fried chicken pimp.
The price for KFC chicken is around RM3. Whereas the price in Klang Jaya is RM2.40. That’s right. You pay extra 60 cents for hormone-injected chicken. In KFC outlets, they give you popcorn chicken. In Klang Jaya, they give you chicken ass. In KFC, they give you Coke/Pepsi only. In Klang Jaya, they give you 100 Plus (in case you get tired eating). Hell, I’m purposely inadvertently advertising the fried chicken place.
Fried chicken skin.
This is obscene.
Simply put, fried chicken is an orgasmic food that promotes growth (proteins!!) What better way to eat and grow sideways taller! I am living proof.
Annoyed yet?
Photos & pictures Credit: Urbandictionary, thewondercast.com, barfblog, Wikipedia.
This year's Easter, I had the chance to act in a play called "Shattered: The Musical". It was written by Iri, one of the leaders in church. Now, I'm not trying to boast around. This is something I should be proud of ever since I escaped death twice when I was a kid. This whole act revolves around me trying to harvest Energons to destroy the world a female orphan who fell in love with a dude from another village, and their love quickly turned to lust trouble when the girl's father, who is a pimp the chief of the village found out about the scandal relationship and captured the boy before he was brutally raped killed. Naturally, the girl then becomes emo sad, but then finds the heart to forgive her own father. Anything after that is history. Personally, I don't really get the plot, but as they say, this kind of tragic love story always gets good ratings and applauses from the audiences especially with me inside. Ok, enough of the gist. On with the trivia!
With one whole month of practices (and also the fact that I acted in another play during Form 5 for Nature Week) under my belt, I share with you my infinite wisdom. If you see all actors and actresses, what do they have? That’s right. They have the confidence. The difference of having confidence and not having confidence is how fake you look on screen. Being fake is to TRY to fit into your character, yet not doing it full-heartedly. That means, you are still self-conscious about yourself. In short, you fail. So, if you have self-esteem issues, try practicing alone in front of the mirror. Or go for plastic surgery.
A smile is always essential. Always.
Wow you’re still reading! The second thing a good actor/actress has is undoubtedly his/her attractive body. Come, you may deny this fact and say that there are lots of people out there who are not physically attractive yet they are famous onscreen, but I can tell you that there are also porn stars who fail to make it big in the adult film industry because they did not go. It is only in rare cases that actresses get famous solely for their talent. Other young girls become famous although they cannot sing. That’s tragic. What you can do to your body is to eat healthy food like Twisties & Cheezels for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and supper. Listen to your mother! If not you will go to hell. They are forever right.
Cheryl giving the "more drama for your mama?" pose.
Acting FAIL: digging nose during the play.
If you are a potato couch who is crazy about dramas like 90210, One Tree Hill, Desperate Housewives, Malaysian politics, you are in luck. You should have noticed then that these stars of these dramas start young. No, I am not referring to Disney Channel’s pedophilia policy. There are people who start showing up in movies as cameos before they ripen and star in blockbuster movies. Of course, a scandal or two is a plus if you want to be famous. Yes, go have sex. The next day, your pictures will be in the internet, and before you know it, you become as famous as Vanessa Hudgens or Zac Efron. At least, that is what
You might ask: " Seriously, what is with the pink bandana? " I have no answer to that.
Gay sarong man & co. VS Freddy Krueger. We're in deep shit.
The last criteria that is required of anyone who has impossible dreams is: a poor background. Aha! Why, you ask? From my fabulous observation thus far, I would say that those who come from a deprived family naturally have the balls to do things that the “so-so” or “well-to-do” people dare not. Of course it is so! What do these poor people have to lose? They already have nothing. So, they dedicate their time to acting and going for auditions after auditions and BAM! You have people like John Travolta, Julia Roberts, or even Akon. Well, he’s not technically an actor, but I swore I saw him acting in The Gods Must Be Crazy before. So, if your parents can afford you high school, college, and university, you might as well forget about fame. There is a reason why this world has equality.
Cupid existed a long time ago. There's proof.
( speaking of Akon, well, guess who The Gods Must Be Crazy star is? Lo and behold, N!xau. Russell Peters was right! )
Goodness me. No wonder people like me never make it far in life. Thank you for reading!
